Craigslist Tips

In Downsizing - Part Two, I said that I would add a post describing lessons learned while selling on Craigslist. This is it.

Craigslist is the classic "for sale" site. Although it is a national site, it is localized for your area.

I have sold items as small as an plastic ficus tree for $10 and as large as a piano for $900. Usually, I have found that only the larger items are worth the effort. I have recently sold a dishwasher and a range. I have also found those who come to buy a large item will often buy several smaller items.

 I have only purchased one item, a Miata car. That was $5,000.

First, read the help files. There are a lot of scammers out there. There are a lot of people who are not the shiniest bulb in the chandelier. There are a lot of trolls.

So, the first piece of advice: Be patient. I have listed items for more than two years, only to have them sell just as I was about to travel to the landfill.

Next: Accept cash only. If you get a check, it will most likely bounce. Of course, the classic scam is that they pay with a valid-looking check for more than the amount of the sale. Then they ask you to deposit it and send them the difference, usually by wire transfer or pre-paid debit card. It will take you about two weeks to find that the check has bounced. Meanwhile, they are gone with your item and your money.

Use the confidential reply mode only. Don't put your phone number in the ad, unless you are lonely and want phone calls selling health insurance, computer virus alerts, and politicians. Don't put your address in the ad. Wait until they make contact with you. Just say you are near a recognizable landmark.

Put lots of information in the ad. Describe the size, colors, and condition. Describe any features...any at all. Mention how you have used the item. "We nursed several babies in this rocking chair." Mention any defects. I always include the model number, if available.

There are lots of people who will ask questions just to "Start a conversation." Don't bother with them. There is a high probability that they will not buy. You want sales, not conversation. More on this below.

Along with the text, put in lots of pictures. More is better.
Add some manufacturers or catalog pictures also. Most buyers will not even see your ad without an image. Make sure you show any defects. I just use a phone camera. Craigslist people don't trust professional quality pictures. "Spare no expense to make it look casual." The first picture entered will be featured.

Don't negotiate by email. Responding to "are you willing to take $20 less" just cost you at least $20. I include a comment in the ad that questions will be answered in person.

Some people ask questions to decide if they want to invest the time to come see your item. These are not the customers you want. You want customers who have made an investment in your item. Some will ask if it is still for sale.

Here is my biggest tip, getting them to "invest" in your item:
Insist that their response include the time and date they want to see and/or buy your item. This will piss off a lot of people, but not the real customers (buyers) that you want. Insist on a specific time. "Friday evening" does not count (are you going to sit around all Friday evening waiting for them?) "Call me to set up a time" does not count (they are looking to start a conversation or a negotiation.)

Here is some sample text. I keep an html version in a text file and modify for the specific situation and item. For example, not all items require a pickup or trailer. You will still have to help some people load the item. They just don't know anyone else to help.

****** Here is what you need to know before you respond.*****

This will require a pickup or trailer and at least two people to move it.

I accept Cash only. No checks.

Your reply should specify a time to see or buy it.

For example: Your reply should be: "I would like to see and / or buy the microwave range hood at [time] on [date].

Replies without a specific (hour:minute) time will be ignored, as will asking me for a time, giving a range, or asking me to call you. [Here's why: I have great flexibility with my time, and can probably meet your commitment, as long as I know ahead of time. But, if you can't commit to a specific time, I will assume you are not really interested.]

If it's posted, it's still for sale.
If you ask if it's still for sale and it is still posted, I will assume you are a computer-generated spammer and ignore you.

The posted price is the price. I don't negotiate by email, but you could save if buy other items.[See "more ad by this user" button].

I have found that those who are willing to follow the instructions are the very customers I want: Those who want the item enough to commit to a time. I have found that about 90% of those who commit to a time actually show up. I have found that about 75% of those will show up with money in hand (literally.) They have already made the decision and only need the confirmation by actually seeing the item.

Deposits. I frequently have people look at the item, say they want it, but cannot pick it up at that time. So I will accept a deposit, of any amount, provided they give me a specific pickup time. I then change the headline in the ad to SALE PENDING, but I do not take it down. The risk is that they never return, which actually happened once. I make it clear that if they are a no-show, I will keep the deposit and put the item on sale again. Of course, I do allow them to change the scheduled time, but never allow an open-ended time.

All of this may sound negative, but  I do have fun selling unneeded items on Craigslist. The people who commit to a time and show up have all been great people. I love writing ad copy, even though I am not good at it.

Try it.

Downsizing - Part Three Condo Living

Select the Downsizing tag to see the prior posts.

So now we have moved from the 4,000 square foot house in the woods at the edge of town to a 1,700 square foot condo. The condo has two bedrooms, two baths, a kitchen, dining room, living room, and family room. All this is on one floor of a 3-story building. We have two parking spots in a huge basement garage and a 4' x 6' storage unit in the basement.

We are on the first floor, which is great. That means we have a front patio, overhung by the second floor balcony. I call that a porch. I have wanted a porch for the past 40 years. We are the closest unit to the front lobby, the mailboxes, the delivery room, the stairs, and the elevator. All are important. Being on the first floor also means our stove hood vents to the outside...also good.

Security is moderately tight. You have to have a clicker to enter the garage from the outside. Once in the garage, you must have a key to get to the stairs and the elevator. Then another key to enter the unit. People coming in through the lobby must call a number so that we can click them in.

We have many elderly people in the building, so security is important. I know of three ladies who are over 100. There are also 2 girls in their early 20's, despite there being an over-55 age requirement. There are also several other couples in their 60's, but most are elderly.

Our building (and our unit) overlooks the parking lot of the huge Cottage Grove Place Senior Living facility next door. It's not a great view, but there is a lot of activity. Our building is on a hill, so our first floor unit is at the same level as the second floor of the building across the lot. Some have called our building the "waiting room for Cottage Grove" but only one person made that transition last year.

It is really true that buying a condo, like buying a house, has three considerations: interior layout, location (including view), and price. Pick two. You will not get all three.

In our case, the price was great. We made a low-ball offer and they took it. The layout is fine. In fact, we did not even ask for an inspection as we will be remodeling everything. And I mean everything. The only things we are keeping are the washer and dryer (nice ones) and some of the kitchen cabinents. The location, next to Cottage Grove, is not attractive, but we have a southern exposure and a very nice porch. We are far enough from the street to avoid most of the noise. We are also one block from the Brucemore Mansion, which has a very nice park.

And, we have cut our travel time to nearly everywhere in half. I expect gasoline bills will go way down. All the other bills (mortgage, taxes, insurance, electric, and gas) are cut in half. City utilities are included in the homeowners fee, as is basic cable. The cost of cable internet is one-seventh of the cost at the house.

The only downer so far is the remodel. We have been living in a self-imposed construction zone for a month. In fact, Bobbie is painting the dining room as I write. Remodeling is more difficult than I imagined, because everything must be done before anything can be done. And the first things that should be done are the lowest priority. grrr!

But we will get through it all.

Downsizing - Part Two. Storage is evil.

Check out Downsizing - Part One and Hints for Hiring a Broker.

Having bought a condo, we got serious about reducing the amount of "stuff" we have. Reducing it a lot.

We actually started about two years before when we were staging the house for sale. We got a storage unit and filled it with stuff that we thought we might want to keep, but did not need to actually use while the house was on the market. Most everyone told us to minimize the amount of personal stuff, so as to make the house look larger.

We filled the storage unit and kept it for a year. Once we dumped the broker and went FSBO, we realized that we had spent $1000 on storage and had only missed a very small amount of that stuff. It was just that, stuff. Time to lose it. We moved it to an unused basement room and started to get rid of it
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Downsizing is one of the toughest things I have ever done.

We had lived in the house for 17 years. 4,000 square feet of living space with storage everywhere. During that time, whenever we used something we would say, "This item still has value and I might need it someday. I'll just store it in case I will need it again." This is just a deferred decision.

Now, we were forced to make decisions on everything; decisions we should have made years ago.

Decisions to forego potential value in favor of simplicity.

There have been studies stating that we can only make so many decisions per day. In my experience, this is true. We were no longer able to make decisions after about 3 p.m. on most days. In the late afternoon, we would just say, "Dump it here" or, "Put it in a box and we will deal with it later."

Decisions on where to get rid of them.

At first, we attempted to sell items on Craig's List. This actually worked quite well for large items. Small items may not be worth your time, but most people who come for a large item will buy smaller items once they see them.

 I may show you my Craigslist hints in a later blog.

Smaller items may be given to relatives. This works well for photographs and heirlooms. I just sent my sister away with a car full of family photos.

Then I gave away most items. My favorite places are:

• Bridgehaven's Treasures Quality Resale Shop
• Habitat for Humanity ReStore
• Salvation Army
• St. Vincent de Paul

You can leave some to the new buyer of your house. In our case, this was the first house for the new buyer. We left them a lot of things such as hoses, snow blower, rakes, etc. Even the garage refrigerator, which we could have sold to the electric company.

The remainder goes to the landfill.

Action item


Make material decisions as you go through life. Do not store something just because it might have value or because you might need it someday. You will forget you have it, or it will become obsolete, or you will never need it. At least, once a year (e.g. at spring cleaning). Go through everything you own and dispose of every item for which you cannot identify a near-term need.

Everything. I mean it.

DO NOT store anything.

Hints for hiring a listing broker

Listing with a broker is usually a waste of time and money, but sometimes it's necessary.

Here is what you should expect:

1. That they have customers.
2. That they bring them to your house.
3. That they sell the value of your property.

Number one means they are selling houses. You should get a report from them monthly (better yet weekly) showing their sales in you price range. Terminate them if you don't get the report or if they consistently show no sales. If they don't have customers, they will try to use open houses to attract attention from other brokers who have customers. Don't waste your time.

Number Two. They must bring their customers to see your house. Your house won't sell if the customers don't see it. If the agents are selling other houses (see Number One) but not showing yours, fire them.

Number Three. You must get full value for your house, if for no other reason than to pay the broker. When they say, "Your price is too high", they are really saying, " I have failed to sell the value of your house." Terminate them immediately.

You need to know the value of your house before you contact them. Comparables from a broker are only designed to run down your price and make it easier for them to sell.

Downsizing - Part One

Another retirement milestone: downsizing.

The kids grew up, moved away, and started lives of their own. We were using less than 1/2 the rooms in the house. The constant climb between floors had become a drag. We watched as small things became major obstacles to aging in-laws. We looked at huge property tax bills. We saw low mortgage interest rates.

It was time to downsize.

We loved our house. The meals on the deck. The woods out back. Each of us with a space of our own.

But time marches on.

So we cleared and cleaned our main living space, over several months. We filled a storage area with personal treasures. We signed with a broker.

Big mistake. The first thing she did was to go on vacation. That was the last thing she did. She did arrange for junior brokers, who knew nothing about the property to hold open houses. Most were not advertised and we lived on a cul-de-sac off a back street off a side street.

Result: No buyers saw the house. In six months, she brought no one. Her firm sent no one. The buying season passed.

She spent time showing us every condo in town and trying to tell us our house was overpriced. See the next post.

After the selling season, we cleared the storage unit and ultimately gave away most of the stuff.

We went FSBO over the winter, when the inventory of houses for sale was low. The first customer who actually entered our house decided to buy it in the first 30 seconds. We got more than 99% of our asking price.

Then we went looking for a condo. The key was to determine what was important; what was nice-to-have which we would pay to get; and what was attractive, but we would not pay for.

Since the buyer's agent on the house did a great job, we hired her for our house search.

We found a condo that met our requirements and most of our wants. We made a low-ball offer and the owners accepted!

---To be continued in Part Two---

Why Do People Hate Their Jobs

Great Article by  James Altucher. Click Here
It's kind of a downer, but really true.

I limped out of the meeting and said, “excuse me”, and took the elevator down 67 stories, went to Grand Central, limped home, and never went back to work at that job. 

Every day I try to practice reversing that. I do that by listening to the body, the mind, being grateful, being around positive people, sleeping a lot, eating well. 

But having a job and being controlled by Masters ruins the practice.  

 Jobs are modern-day slavery. We are paid just enough to live and not more. You are punished if you ask for more.  

- We are often verbally abused on the job and we take it because we think it’s normal that people would yell at us. 

- The government gets up to 50% of your paycheck and then 10-20% of that goes to kill people on other parts of the planet, including our own children. 

- We are deluded into thinking our job-friends are our real-friends. With our job friends we talk about pens, genitals, and cubicles. We stop having real-friends. 

- There’s a glass ceiling. It doesn’t matter if you are a woman or minority or a white man. The glass ceiling is that you aren’t allowed to make more than your Master, even if he’s an idiot. 

- You realize that all the dollars you spent on degrees to get you a job that will make you happy were completely wasted. You were scammed but you can’t let the next generation know how stupid you were so now you become part of perpetuating the scam.  

- A trillion dollar marketing campaign forced you to buy a house you didn’t really want and now you will “lose a house” you never really owned if you don’t bow down to the Masters every day. The words “The American Dream” were coined by Fannie Mae in a marketing campaign 40 years ago to sell mortgages to slaves.  

- Your spouse is tired of hearing about your job after six months. And you couldn’t care less about hers. Ten years later you wake up next to a total stranger. 40 years later you die next to one  

- Your IRA was not intended to provide for your retirement. It was intended to take money from you every month so you remain chained to your cubicle. Inflation then takes 90% of your IRA.  

- Over time everyone is getting fired and being replaced by younger, cheaper, more temporary, more robotic, versions of you. You see this but are afraid to do anything about it. 

Cross posted here.

The Next Phase

Recently I have been feeling over-committed. This causes some stress. I am retired. I don't really need stress.

So my first task is to wind down some of my activities. So I have done the following.

1. I resigned from my job as a lighting operator, when we moved to the new facility. I had been only doing lights one service per month and then filling in as a backup operator  a couple of more times per month, but it was hard to get a full weekend off.
2. I also resigned from the position of coordinating the recording mix team at church. That team would provide an audio recording of the service, with a special sound board so we could cut down the volume of the stage singers and raise the volume of the congregation during worship songs.
   
   Anyhow, I was only operating the system on a 5th Sunday, which only happens about once every 3 months. But I was still on the hook for backup operator, which was happening about once a month.
   
   Put that together with item 1 and you see no Sunday's off. So I dropped off that team also when we moved. As a result, they decided to move into the 21st Century and video the whole service. That requires more technical people and a whole new team.
3. I have also resigned as Leadership Team Coordinator for our Stephen Ministry group. In this position, I only had to preside at a team meeting about once per month. I tried to hold the meetings once every other month, but that was rarely possible. Something always came up.
   
   So I identified a couple of people who were passionate about Stephen Ministry and did not have any other volunteer commitments. Once they were established, I felt it easy to step aside.
   
4. I am bringing my term as Board Chairman at His Hands Free Medical Clinic to a close at the end of this month. This is due to term limits. We have a policy of 6 years and out. This brings my board time to 6 years. They offered to change the rules and make an exception for me, but I declined.
   
   I don't feel that it's healthy for a organizational leader to stay on too long.  I was there for a purpose. God put me there to do two things: a.) put them on a sound financial management basis, and b.) manage the transition to the new, larger facility. Both of those were accomplished. The new leader is exceptionally qualified and has great skills in fundraising, which I consider to be a weakness of mine. They will do well.
   
5. I still have until May 2014 to serve as Deacon Board Chairman. I still have all of the additional tasks listed in the prior post. So this keeps me real busy. My role here is to put the whole organization on a sound business basis. That starts with putting financial management controls in place. It is really about managing the transition from a "large bible study" organization to a "mega-church" organization. Change is tough.
   
6. I still serve as bookkeeper for the Serve The City coalition. This takes about one afternoon per week and about another afternoon per week of depositing checks, etc. I don't see any end to this now, but I am refusing all the extra tasks that I can.

All the cutbacks just give me more time to focus on number 5. The total hours don't really change, but Sundays are more free.

I seem to be following the Halftime advice of reviewing what you are doing and rating each activity on impact and commitment [and passion and God's direction.] So I cut the items that had low impact, commitment, and passion (No's 1, 2, and 3.) Number 4 is term limits and God's direction. I am keeping number 5 because of commitment and God's direction.

Looking forward, I have begun to seriously keep a journal. I started this a couple of years ago, but have not been very active until this November. I started following the advice found in the book The War of Art, where it says to write Morning Minutes, 750 words.  I used a Pomodoro app to time-box this in 25 minutes every morning. I learned that I really like to write.

I am now up to 1,200 words per day, doing 2 pomodoro time slots. This could someday lead to a career in writing, God willing.

How Time Flies

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It looks like it has been a couple of years since this was updated. Time sure flies when you are retired...seriously. I have been much busier than when I was wasting my time working.

For the past several years I have:

1. Helped created the Ignite! Half-time ministry which motivates people to do something significant with the second half of their life...after retirement.
2. Operated lights at New Covenant Bible Church.
3. Led the team of recording operators that recorded the Sunday services.
4. Trained and served as a Stephen Minister, then became a facilitator, then coordinated the Supervision Groups, then served as a Stephen Minister Trainer, then led the Leadership Team.
    
5. Served as Board Chairman at His Hands Free Medical Clinic. I also wrote grants, which involved setting a strategic plan and developing a useful budget management system. I volunteered at several events, and served on the Fundraising, Grants, and Strategic Planning committees.
   
   During this time, we replaced the one part time staff with 5 part-time staff, tripled the physical size of the clinic, greatly increased the client contacts, added dental and healthy living clinics. We are debt free and have moved from an operating deficit to a surplus.
6. Served as bookkeeper for the Serve The City coalition of ministries and churches. I reconstructed the prior year finances, established a budget and a financial management system, and kept the checkbook and accounts.
    
7. I served as Chairman of the Deacon Board at New Covenant. Besides chairing the board meetings, I was active in preparing the annual budget, starting with chairing the Human Relations Advisory Council and setting the individual compensation levels and overall budget. This also involved negotiating group healthcare contracts. I chaired the Admin Committee, which is responsible for the overall management of the $4 million church budget. I was instrumental in establishing the Accounting Systems Update team which restructured the budget and monthly reporting processes. I was a member of the Strategic Planning Team and chaired the Phase One Expansion Team. During my tenure, we relocated to a $22 million facility.
    
8. I served on the Trekkers Adult Bible Fellowship Leadership Team in the "Missions Coordinator" role.

 One of the tenets of Half-time is that one should re-evaluate one's activities each year and cut the least important. Key criteria are impact, passion, commitment, and effort. As such, I have progressively eliminated items #1 through #4. In a couple of months, I will reach my term limits on item #5, but I will continue to help write grants.  I think my role as Serve The City bookkeeper will be reduced in the future as Charles moves on to other efforts. In June of 2014, I will reach the term limit on item #7. Item #8 remains, but in name only, as the leadership team has not met in over a year.

All this means that I am about to retire from retirement.

Retirement Update

The past couple of weeks has been high stress, but the result has been great, so far.
The HH Free Medical Building has been sold to make way for a new parking lot for the Medical Mall. Ergo, find a new location.
We found an old building about ½ a block away. It took our entire cash reserves to buy it. The rest of the board wanted to put it off for 3 months, but I convinced the main objector that we could do it.
Then the old landlords gave us $10,000 to tide us over until the end of the year.
Goat to hero in one easy phone call.

Keep alive

Update

This is mostly a keep-alive post.

I have been asked to speak at yet another Halftime / Ignite! seminar at New Covenant Bible. The topic is how I have integrated Bobbie's goals and plans into mine. The answer is, "I have not."

I am also to facilitate a table.

View from October 2008

The stock market has crashed.

This means that I can no longer depend on my 401(k) as a source of income.

At the current stock levels, either God must move in my favor, or I must return to work in four to six months. God has always moved in the past. Possibly His next move will be to provide a job...that pays money and stills honors him.

I note that Rockwell Collins declined to fund a Serve The City grant application that would have placed money directly to flood-impacted persons to get them reestablished in homes. The did find the money to fund several sexual deviation organizations. Hmmmm.

Current View of Retirement

The further time passes from "work" the more I realize that it was just wage slavery...trading hours of my life for mere lucre.

This week I:

• Brought the books for Serve The City up to date.
• Chaired a board meeting for His Hands Free Medical Clinic. God continues to improve our finances and flow of volunteers.
  
• Attended a meeting of the Linn County Association of Evangelicals. At the meeting, I was approached by a pastor of one of the largest Lutheran churches in town, who recognized my Halftime involvement and introduced me to a representative of a local Christian music station, who, in turn, asked me for some help. I was also approached by a STC volunteer for advice and wanted to set up a meeting to expand her role. I was also approached by the current president of LCAE for help in securing a source of income for the founder.
  
• I was approached, via email, by the pastor of a smaller "planted" church, for advice on grant applications.
• I have been working on income taxes.

Separately, I have been asked to become a deacon at New Covenant. I will be a deacon "at-large" so that I can meet the one-year-on-the-deacon-board requirement to chair the board starting in June 2009.

I have also been asked to give a testimony at a Halftime Collaborative Day meeting and to facilitate a brainstorming project at that meeting.

I have also been asked to represent His Hands at one church's mission weekend.

Why list all this? The list shows the great variety of activities open to those in retirement. I get a lot of satisfaction from being an elder statesman / guru. I just have to keep focused on God, recognize that this is all his doing, and avoid pride and bragging.

Keep Alive Post

This is just to keep this blog alive.

Three and a half years later

Wow! I am still retired.

Alex graduated from one of the best high schools in the country with every honor imaginable, including valedictorian. He completed enough high school hours to graduate twice! He is a National AP scholar. He has enough college credit to start as a Sophomore. He was admitted to the University of Chicago, but they give no merit money (and very little need money). A quarter of a million dollars for an undergraduate education just does not compute.

He will be going to St. Olaf College in Northfield, MN. Great school, and they wanted him! They sent merit money. Yeah! It is a Christian based school, with an awesome music program and a great economics department. It is the right distance away. The students and faculty are real people. Great fit!

Alyssa did just as well in Middle School. She is clearly a (the) top student. She is continuing her dance. She is in the Senior performing company at her dance academy, and made the high school dance team, and the freshman show choir before she even graduated from middle school. She is "front row" in all of these. Wow! Good looking and Smart! She made a wise decision to not run cross-country, even tho she might have been their top runner. There are just not enough hours in the week.

All of this is expensive. Unless I win the lottery, I will run out of money in about two years.
We will see.

Current resume

I am currently a “professional volunteer.” I serve as the board president of His Hands Free Medical Clinic, head the New Covenant Stephen Ministry leadership team, lead the Trekker’s ABF Missions team, serve as treasurer/ bookkeeper for the Cedar Rapids Serve-the-City organization, and coordinate the recording of Sunday services at New Covenant. I am a member of the Ignite! Team. I set-up and operate the lighting system at New Covenant on a rotating schedule. I meet with an e-team and a prayer partner weekly.

I am retired from Rockwell-Collins, where I served for 28 years in various roles including Strategic Planning Manager, Capture Team Leader, and Program Manager. Prior to Rockwell, I was a Senior Financial Analyst at Xerox Corporation. Before that, I was a Captain in the US Air Force, serving as a pilot in T-41, T-37, T-38, and EC-47 aircraft and Instructor/Flight Examiner/Aircraft Commander in C-141 aircraft. I completed one combat tour in Southeast Asia.

I have a Bachelor of Science in International Affairs/Economics from the USAF Academy, a Masters in Business Administration of Southern Illinois University at Edwardsville, and a Master of Arts in Management and Supervision from Central Michigan University. I am working on a Certificate of Non-Profit Management from Iowa State University Extension.

My wife Bobbie and I have two children. Our son Alex will graduate from Washington HS in May and our daughter Alyssa will graduate from McKinley MS in June. We have been attending New Covenant since 1999.

I am a member of the Linn County Association of Evangelicals and a life member of the USAF Academy Association of Graduates.

What has happened

I stopped working at the end of February 2004.

Then I took "terminal" vacation in March.

I retired on the first friday in April.

Since retirement checks arrive on the first of the month, I got no paychecks until May.

Some people wondered why I did that, instead of waiting until the end of April to retire, then collecting the vacation buy-out and getting the first retirement check immediately. Reason: IHTFP.

Every day is now different. I get to go on all of my kid's field trips and band trips and (very soon) show choir trips. I got to teach my son how to drive. I get to day-trade stocks full time. I get to study the Bible. I get to go to forums and seminars at the local colleges. I get to have lunch with my wife more than once a week. I get to do whatever God tells me to do. It's great!

Truth Question

If a man, standing in the forest, speaks...
is he still wrong?

Application Submitted!!!

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

I filled out all the paperwork. Bobbie and I went to the Credit Union over lunch and got the signatures witnessed and notarized. I returned to work and copied everything, filled out an envelope, and mailed the package (priority with tracing) to Seal Beach.

A MAJOR MILESTONE!!!

While Bobbie (my wife) and I were at lunch, she asked, "What is the first thing you will do?" Recognizing a trap when I see one, I said that I would clean out the office first, then do income taxes. That seemed to satisfy her. Then she asked if we should buy a second computer. She is nervous about what I will be doing...probably afraid that I will intrude on her space.

Excitement is building!! 17 work days remaining.

Formal Notice to My Supervisor

I finally spent the afternoon filling out the retirement paperwork. I have been avoiding this just like income tax returns. Read lots of complicated instructions, then fill out lots of forms.

I completed the form that notifies my supervisor and the local HR that I will be retiring and taking vacation prior to retirement. I got my supervisor to sign it and mailed it to HR. This is an other milestone. Retirement is becoming real.

Some pending items will delay the actual application until tomorrow:
I have to get two signatures from my wife. One has to be witnessed and one must be notarized. I also have to include a copy of a blank check for the direct deposit, even though I know the ABA and account number very well. I must include a copy of my birth certificate to prove my age. I must also include a copy of my wife's birth certificate and our marriage license, even though she will not be getting rights of survivorship.

18 work days remaining.

25 Workdays Remaining

The clock is really running out quickly now.

My supervisor is suddenly asking for a lot of work to be done ahead. "Prepare a schedule of planning events for the next year." "Prepare an outline for each planning presentation due for the next six months." They are getting nervous about my departure.

I had a zen moment over the weekend. My brother needs some court documents related to our father's estate from Texas. Ordinarily, I would make phone calls to locate the documents and send a check by mail and wait for two weeks. I realized that, if I wanted, I could get in my car and drive from Iowa to Texas, do the business, visit friends, and take my time doing it. WOW! What a new world I am facing!

Retirement Package Arrives!!!

The long-awaited retirement package has arrived. It is about an inch thick and requires that I fill out a lot of paperwork and submit documents, including my wife's birth certificate and our marriage license, even though we will not be selecting a survivorship options.

30 Workdays + 2 Hours

I was just formally cut out of a new task because I will not be around for any follow-on. It is being used as a familiarization exercise by my replacement. This is the first overt example of this.

I am, however, getting hit with a number of last minute analysis tasks. There are a lot of deadlines being set up for just-prior-to-my-departure.

I just briefed my next level director on the output of a consultant report, with my replacement present. They both knew that I had not read the consultant report on which I was briefing them, although I had helped them to prepare input data. I was able to give a coherent briefing, correctly, and to structure the description of the next level briefing (to the VPs) on the fly. It will be years before my replacement can do that.

Futility Is Rising

I had to go in to work yesterday [Saturday] to perform a totally meaningless calculation. Management did not like the trend lines from the last report, since they indicated a possible drop in market share. So...did they recognize that the unfavorable trend was well within the normal range of variation? No. They panicked. Did they try to fix the problem? No.

The decided to change the metric. We were not using the new metric because the "unknowns" are thrown out and they often exceed the number of the items counted. i.e. the expected error range is larger than the absolute value.

Pointy Haired Boss Nirvana!

"Never try to teach a pig to whistle. You waste your time and annoy the pig!"

This is a major factor in retirement decisions.

35 and Counting

People are beginning to react with surprise that I am still here. An amazing number of people are congratulating me on getting out.

A Milestone

I formally requested my retirement papers, via the internal web site. They will snail mail the paperwork within 15 days, along with a formal calculation of the monthly amount. My wife has to sign off on the [non] survivor option, since we will use some of the extra money to buy life insurance.

This really feels good. I have 36 work days remaining.

Why Retire?

This is a real no brainer. Even though I have been told repeatedly that I am doing a good job and that I have totally unique and valuable experience, my salary has been "redlined" for the past four years and my "incentive plan" has been cut below normal. When I asked why I got two responses: 1) "You make too much money." and 2) "You are not meeting expectations." When I asked what those expectations were (since I met all the objectives on my performance review) the answer was "I will let you know in two weeks." That answer was 13 months ago. The VP is still uable to articulate any expectations that I have not met.

The Board Chairman and CEO got a 17% raise this year. Employee raises this year will only average 2%. Based on my discussions with others, I suppose that CEO raise was included in the pool. Nationwide, job openings are exploding. People are about to leave this company in droves.

The Clock is Ticking

Not much going on related to my retirements. As stated below, I took the deal, even though they had sent a letter that said that it was not a good deal if one was planning to retire within 18 months. I took it anyway because: 1) I could use the money now [I was going to take a similar amount out of my IRA and pay the penalty] and 2) I don't trust them any further than I can toss a cat.

My clock is now down to 44 workdays. That equates to a February 27th last-work-day, followed by vacation, followed by an April 1st retirement. Even here they are getting shifty. They just changed the computer program that calculates retirement and it has a field that says my 85-point retirement is April 30th. If I actually run the calculator for a termination date of April 01, it shows that I get the full amount. The saga continues.

I Took the Deal

Hopefully, the check's in the mail!

Buy Out Deal

The company sent me a written offer to buy out a "long service plan."

The company had a long-standing offer to employees hired before 1982 and over age 55 to pay them 10 extra weeks of salary when they retire or voluntarily terminate. On Saturday, they sent an offer to buy out this plan. Actually, for me it will be a good deal, because I was planning to tap into my IRA this quarter to pay off some up-coming credit card bills (mostly for vacation trips). The amount is right to avoid tapping the IRA again this year.

The deal offers an immediate cash payout, with tax consequences, or a payout into a deferred savings plan (401K), with different tax consequences. The bad part of the deal is that the payout amount is discounted 9% per year from assumed retirement date. This has no impact on me, since I will be retiring in less than 6 months from now, but is a real rip-off for later retirees. The company claims that the 9% is their weighted average cost of capital. They are ignoring the fact that recent risk free investments pull in about 1%.

There is also a club involved. The offer states several times, some of them in bold-red letters, that the company can change or drop the underlying plan at any time. With these guys that means they WILL drop the plan in the very near future.

I will select the immediate cash payout. I need the money now. I have already max'ed out on FICA, so I avoid a 6% payout there. I avoid the 10% penalty on a withdrawl from the IRA. My tax rate in the future will be no worse than my current rate. So I will take the deal.